Missing Steve.

Moment of truth: I’ve been struggling. So many emotions are flooding my life right now. And I’m sad.

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Lately, again and again, I’ve thought of the brother I said goodbye to way too soon last October. I guess with the anniversary of his death right around the corner, He’s very fore-front in my mind in so many ways. Like when the first week of August rolled around, and I remembered spending an afternoon with him and the kids at the fair just one short year ago. And then there was his birthday, the day I felt so crippled that I didn’t do one thing to reach out to any others I knew would be hurting also. Or when I read through some old emails and laugh about the “conversation” going back and forth between us. And knowing my birthday is right around the corner, so I pull out the card I received from him last year, never realizing it would be his last to me. Oh, how I’ll cherish it.

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But here’s the thing: as precious as that card, a picture, or even a beloved heirloom is to us, it doesn’t bring them back. It helps to remind of us of the great love we shared with them. It can even help bring tears that were dormant for a while to the surface and give us an outlet for emotional release. But the hope I cling to the most, the deepest comfort I have is knowing that we’ll be together again, reunited in the presence of our precious Lord and Savior. No memento I have can do that.

Just this week, a song played on the radio as our youngest son and I were in the suburban. I sat and listened and drove and cried. Emotions flooding my soul. Sweet release of them in a safe place. A reminder of a conversation once had but long forgotten. Steve telling me of the song most requested for him to sing at funerals. I Can Only Imagine. At one time, he sang those words and they were true. He could only imagine. But now – NOW – he truly knows. No imagination required. I wonder what he’s found? He always had a good imagination. Yet I know he’s found so much more!

I miss him. For now, I’ll be the one imagining. What a grand reunion it will be someday!

Namie kids 4

You don’t want to miss listening to Steve sing all about it! If you can’t click on the link, copy and paste it into your browser: https://vimeo.com/106111845 .

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4 thoughts on “Missing Steve.

  1. All true. Only one thing to add, use these feelings to make time and memories with those who are here with you. As we only too well know, you never know how long you have with someone. I love you.

  2. It’s beautiful how you can express yourself in words. You are a gifted writer as Steve was a gifted musician. I was thinking of loss again today as well and while driving heard a Casting Crowns song that my Bible study shared. I was planning to text a verse to the ladies tonight and then read your post first. I will pray for you, dear friend.

    Bryan’s dad is with us this weekend. He is failing rapidly. We don’t know how long he has so we are just living each day. Just a few months ago he was healthy and active. Now he stays in bed for 14 to 16 hours a day.

    Keep sharing your memories and messages. You never know whose life you will touch. I am sure that Steve touched many and he legacy will continue to speak volumes.

    Love,

    Dawn

  3. Thanks, Dawn! I appreciate your encouragement. So sorry to hear about Bryans’s dad. You’re wise to enjoy the time you have with him! And always treasure those memories. Talk later! 😉

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